Moonlight

I look down from the sky
And there I see
Among a million eyes
A different me.

The world around me
Cowers at night
But her heart burns on
In the simmering light.

She stands alone
Stripped of fear
Blazing in the glory
Of unshed tears

Devoid of love
She shall rise
A broken warrior
And painfully wise

A lonely life
And silent screams
Isn't her destiny
For broken dreams .

Don't be shunned
Come to my whole
As my reigning queen
The light of my soul.

Each day I shall rise
To bear your pain
For my white hand
Will never fail.

An unbreakable promise
Made by the moon
Shall forever be
Her never fading boon

I look down from the sky
And I know
Along a million eyes
One who is my own 

Caught in Life's Web

Each passing hour was the same, Bleak and monotonous. All around me was as dead as a grave. The buzz of a fly would've been welcoming to break the grey silence. I sat looking at the decrepit wall. There were days when flakes of paint and dust would fall on me and I would not care to shake it off. I just wished I didn't have to wake up to see the horror and pain of another fellow being. His silent agony seemed to be absorbed by the walls around me. And I could almost hear the excruciating screams echo from the grey walls. I felt old, I felt lost.

Suddenly I heard a knock. I looked up hoping that it was my visitor. I let out a sigh when I saw Him on the entrance. It’s been a long time since I have seen Him. I’m sure getting old because I can’t remember when was the last time I saw Him. I looked at his tired face as he slowly made his way to his bed. I prayed with all my heart that he would silently fall asleep rather than go through his usual routine.

I still shudder when I think about the first time I saw him go through the torture. Even after these many years it’s painful to see him inflict so much pain on his own body. I looked down at my dark bristly arms and wonder, would I ever be able to self-destruct myself the way he does. I shook my head to erase that thought from my mind. Looking into his masked eyes, my heart would try to reach out to him, but then I see the invisible wall that stands between us. I felt helpless. I felt lost.

I closed my eyes to the suffering that was being unleashed before me. But I could not close my ears to the screams that ensued from his severed skin. Each bristle in my body stood up in anxiety as I heard the tearing apart of a beautiful entity. It always shocked me to see how one can endure so much pain without sounding a single scream from his mouth. He looked spent, he looked numbed out. Questions unasked were choking in my throat.

I silently looked at him as he slowly crawled into his bed and tried to cover his scarred body with his discarded remains lying around him. I saw him take down his invisible wall and placed it by his side. Tears brimmed in my eyes for the umpteenth time, and like magic darkness engulfed us. I looked down at his closed eyes that concealed so much agony and was showing a brave face to the world around him. It seemed as if God has forgotten one of his entities. So I said a silent prayer to ease this Man from his suffering. Giving him one final look I went back to my corner and started to weave a larger web. If I’m lucky I may catch up with a fly or two tomorrow.

Thoughts of a confused spider, about the eccentricities of watching a Man change his clothes before sleeping.

Paradise Lost

The waiter brought my coffee and he gave me the most quizzical of expressions as I politely declined the little sachets of sugar. I quietly smiled to myself in answer to his unasked question. I could never forget the One who gave me this habit. Every time I winced while drinking His Bitter black coffee, He used to be amused with my futile attempts to imitate and impress Him. Me in my innocence believed that this was one way to show how much I loved Him. I was yet to realize that all would be in vain.

Holding the warm cup, I closed my eyes; feeling the heat seep into my fingers. This was the same feeling I had so long ago when I held Him for one last time, knowing that whatever I say or do would never make Him change His mind. The expression on His face as He left me will forever be imprinted in my mind. I let out a sigh full of regret, as my mind traveled back in time.

I remember towards the end of our relationship, we were like two people living in two separate worlds even though we shared the same roof. There was no bad feeling yet our love was fading with the last rays of the setting Sun. The only thing that was binding us was the memory of the warmth that we once shared.

I swallowed my coffee to help me hold back my tears which were bitterer than the coffee. I tried to shake off the memory as I reminisced how He held me close as I stood in mortification when the whole world seemed to have looked at me with revulsion. I could smell the faint smell of cigarettes as He kissed my tear-stained face and promised me that He would never leave my side.

Two years back, I decided to go home earlier than usual to surprise Him, hoping to stir a spark in His eyes that had nothing left but indifference for me and the world. But I was too late; He had already made up His mind to leave. In one desperate effort I held Him tightly hoping what words failed to express my embrace would. I could sense Him muster all the love He had for me in one final attempt to console me. I could feel His love and care ebb into me. As I tried to hold Him closer, He just vanished. All that was left was the Bitter coffee, wafts of cigarette smoke and the memories he gave me.

But for all the abandonment I felt that day, there was never a moment where he abandoned me. He will always be my First Love, the only one who unconditionally loved me for all my flaws and fantasies. For I would always remember the day when I was 5 years old and had puked all over, but my Daddy had picked me up and instead of scolding me for the mess I created He just kissed my vomit speckled face and hugged me tightly.

(This post is based on a true incident of my life. I was just 10 minutes away from giving a surprise to Daddy when I got a call saying that he expired. He was still warm when I hugged his lifeless body. I never got my chance to bid farewell , but then truth be told I will never say Goodbye to Daddy.)

Man of a Million Hues

It was with a lot of excitement when my friend Sharika invited me to meet her Grand Uncle, the respected Artist K.V Haridasan. I wasn’t sure what I would say or do in the presence of such a distinguished personality. Within the confines of the Chola Village we were facing a tall gate on which was carelessly scratched K.V. Haridasan. I almost felt like I was back in my home in Kerala, where trees hug close to the house and whatever space is available is scattered with flower pots and medicinal leaves kept out to dry. It was like a small speck of Kerala transported into Chennai Coastline!

Once inside the house, we were chatting with his very cordial wife. Like most elderly people, he was very friendly and was busy catching up with his granddaughter about friends and family. As usual I made a beeline to the kitchen bustling over with tea making and stuffing myself with fruit cake :D As we were sipping our sweet tea, I couldn't help but notice a canvas that was carelessly stashed away in a corner. I was so tempted to touch the bold strokes that seem to try coming out of the canvas as if imprisoned within the confines of the material world. When I asked how he would explain his work, I was admiring his patience in explaining. Here was I, an ignorant fool trying to understand the emotions, experiences and imagination of a Man who spent his whole lifetime in a world of Colors.

Our artist was courteous enough to let us into his workshop where he keeps most of his finished and unfinished works. The whole place was scattered with discarded brushes, paints, broken crockery, old statues of wood and clay. I found the place was comfortable and cluttered (I only feel in peace if I live in a mess; clean houses always make me feel like I’m in a hospital.) There was a whole assortment of furniture including wooden doors, pillars that might have been salvaged from old houses. There were even glass topped tables that were supported by wooden buttresses, which once might have held up roofs. Even item had a story of its own, an identity to be revealed, and all those secrets was locked within the Artist's mind.

Strewn all across the place were specimens of rocks, all varying in structure and texture, which he was happily caressing with his wrinkled fingers. There was love in his touch and a glitter in his eye as he told from where he got them. When asked about the theme of one of his pictures, he was in a dilemma whether to explain or not. But then isn't it hard to express one’s innermost feelings. There is something so sacred and divine when connecting to one’s heart. Even though one may feel the need to communicate, there are so many things that stand at the tip of ones tongue. The moment it is uttered; the meaning, the exaltation of the feeling is completely lost. He just told us – “Art is not a profitable venture. But its important for us to bring color to the world in a way that we can. That’s all I do.”

As he escorted us through the Chola Art Gallery,I don’t know for most people; but for me when I look at a Painting or a sketch, its not the imagery as such that moves me. When I see the varying colors and curves on a canvas, it’s the mind behind the picture that captures my imagination. Each stroke on the canvas must have been triggered by an emotion of the artist, whose collective effect is what we see framed behind a sheet of glass. The Frozen emotion, a crystalized idea, a crescendo of sensations that reaches its climax. The ghost of that hand still lingers in the strands of the canvas, reminiscing in the mood that brought out Beauty in a life of the Mundane.

Check below link for more about a Man who painted his world!
http://mulledink.blogspot.com/2012/05/art-k-v-haridasan-tantric-circle.html

Wed-locked or Wed-clogged!!!?

When you are 27 years old, some say this is the prime of your life. But if you are in India then I think it’s a reason to dread. 2 or 3 years living an Independent life, earning your own living and having your share of fun; you will be unceremoniously brought back to Indian reality by just one word- “Marriage.” As such I have no dread or misgivings about marriage, and I would gladly say that it’s something to value and respect.

So while my friends are busy updating their bio data in matrimonial sites or marital status in Facebook, and few others groaning over their facebook friends’ marriage pictures; I just sit back and enjoy the fiasco revealing itself to me. In my friend circles the topic of marriage is like hot cakes. Who is getting married, how why etc. etc. It’s truly a very vicious circle. When the pointer is at me, I usually brush aside the topic with a polite smile and one phrase - “Will happen when it’s meant to happen.”

You will be shocked when you hear the thoughts that some have about wedlock.

I once asked some of my friends “Why do you want to marry?”

Friend#1: “I’m bored. There is nothing else to do.” (Seriously!!!? :O marriage= entertainment for this friend. I can almost imagine her future husband being her  singer-movie director-actor-pole dancer!)

Friend #2: Everyone is getting married, so I must too (My classmate. He was a school topper, studied in one of the best engineering colleges in Kerala and gets 3 times the salary I earn. So for him the next hurdle in the horse race is Marriage. Run dude run!!! The hurdle after that is popping babies and then throwing them into the horse race too. Then he can compete with his own children!!)

Friend #3: He is working in US, why not!? (If I had shown her a little more interest, she would have told me how many zeroes were there in his salary and how many cows he had in his Farmville!!)

Friend #4: “I don’t know… My parents want me to get married.”

Me: “So are you ready for marriage?”

Friend #4: “I don’t know. My parents are searching for girl. Maybe after a year or two.”

Me: “So how are you mentally preparing yourself for your marriage?”

Friend #4: “I need to hit the gym, have to get rid of the extra fat. I will look horrible in a suit if I have tummy”

I was speechless after this conversation. Everyone talks about marriage being a milestone in anyone’s life. But isn’t it necessary to understand and wed for the right reasons? I may not be an expert in these matters but isn’t it petty to marry out of boredom or based on the highest bidder like in a cattle auction!?

In my hometown, where time stands still; I used to remember how the elderly folk used to talk to the young generation and mentally prepare them for the bliss and challenges they will face after marriage. They never talked about fancy words like Heaven on Earth, soul mates, eternal love etc. They taught us that marriage is about mutual understanding, adapting, responsibility and lots of hard work!.

Marriage is an institution to bring man and woman together for a purpose. It is the holy duty of each man and woman to not only bring about offspring, but to make their children the successors of civilization, responsible citizens for a better world, to do the bidding of Nature! This alliance will never be possible between two people if they do not have the patience to understand and adapt to each other’s needs, feelings and aspirations and yes love each other for their virtues and vices. This is what our Centuries old Culture is trying to teach us.

People who lament that our society is degrading and say the rate of failed marriages are many times higher  compared to the times of our own parents; trust me you can’t blame it on Kaliyug! If there is anyone to blame its ourselves who in the modern age of Greed, Technology and Consumerism ; made Marriage the most sold off commodity, the most lucrative business deal and the worst scam of our current Generation!

Jaya - A Book review

When I picked the book I was totally intrigued by the description given in the cover saying towards the last "God is cursed"
Now how is it possible that God gets cursed!? aren't we the ones who receive the boons and curses from God? Then who dares curse the Almighty. I knew only bits and pieces of the tale. But such a large epic I wasn't sure if I wanted to boggle my head with so many names of Kings and queens and plots. But once I started "Jaya" I just couldn't put it down. Jaya is not the same as the Mahabharatha that many of us has seen as the never ending episodes in Doordarshan TV.And there is a reason to it. Jaya later becomes Mahabharatha as more plots and sub plots enter the storytelling through the years.

Jaya means victory, don't be mistaken that its about the victory of the Battle. It ponders over various social,political and economical issues that we men faced in society and strangely enough face today. Though it was written close to 5000 years back, the amazing fact is that we still face the same issues, ask the same questions even now. How is it possible that an ancient story can contain the answers to our present? The answer lies in the fact that we are beings of flesh and blood, driven by intellect and consumed by ego. Through adventures and small incidents Jaya asks us questions that make us wonder what is right, what is wrong? How do you decide.

The conflict between two families is actually the sideline to the book. The whole story is like a riddle, that makes you go on, still asking questions, still left unanswered until it dawns upon you.Its not about characters or plots. They are just props to make one understand the essence, the fable called life. What makes Man different from Beast. Why does chaos reign in a society built with laws. What is the price one has to pay for their actions. Why are women considered as Goddesses and at the same time pulled down as objects of pleasure. Each question is answered with another riddle. Its human nature to take sides in a conflict, but is it out of a sense of justice or for personal gain that we judge? On what scale do we decide? In most conflicts prejudice gets the better of men, and Man forgets the whole scheme of things and chaos prevails.

We are only aware of "The Mahabharatha" as an ancient epic that tells a story of the war between 2 families,but when does a tale become an epic? Is it its elaborate narration or is it the story? what shocked me most was that the Great Battle on the Kuru Shetra is just a chapter in the whole narration!

Devdutt did an amazing job in staying true to the essence of the book without over whelming the readers with elaborate descriptions of family trees. The little notes that Devdutt has added gives us a perspective to how the story influenced as well as got influenced by people of various times. Its no easy task to compress such an extended epic to the level of normal readers. More than the discourse its the illustrations that show the true creativity of Devdutt.

11 Thoughts behind Hitchhiking

Once in a while it’s good to throw all worries into the wind and do whatever you feel like with only one thought “What the heck!! Let’s do it!!!” Unfortunately for me going off tangents is routine :P So juggling between sleep, food and commute (somewhere in between I think I work), I found myself facing a blank Saturday, nothing to do, bored of sleeping(I can’t believe I could ever be saying this!!!). Then I looked at my phone and saw a message “Let’s go somewhere.” I don’t need thinking twice to say yes to any idea of my friend’s, so half hour later we were looking at the cars pass by on the ECR (East Coast Road, Chennai) yet to decide how to go to Pondicherry.

Hitchhiking! It’s one of the few things that I had not ventured into yet. So it was with a little concern that my friend agreed. (Sometimes I don’t understand how anyone can go along with my harebrained ideas, Unless they are like me :P). So there we stood in the middle of nowhere waving my hand to ever passing car and lorry. Except for the amused looks on their faces none even cared to slow down.

Now what crosses in the mind of the common man sitting behind the wheel  when he/she sees a girl with a wacky hairdo, wrinkled clothes and an impish grin on her face (That’s me by the way.)!?

Scenario #1: Family man with family –
 “No! I don’t want that weirdo coming close to my kids. They will be influenced and soon I’ll have to give a ride to my own hitchhiker children!”

#2: Middle age man driving along with wife –
“Look at the pathetic condition of these new generation kids!!? All running around like vagabonds after watching a couple of dumb movies”

#3: Middle age man driving alone-
“What if she is drunk and pukes all over my newly upholstered seats! A lot of money will go to waste, just to give some stranger a lift!”

#4: Man going with his lover –
“She would slit my beautiful lover’s throat just out of pure spite! My girl is too beautiful!”

#5: Young Man with friends –
“Damn, I don’t think she would agree to come in this car full of dudes! I wish I was alone to give her a lift. Friends always show up at the wrong time!!!”

#6: Handsome Young Man alone –
“Look at her!!! She is not even worthy enough to look at, let alone give her a lift!”

#7: Movie Lover Young Man alone –
“What if she is a psychopath? Or a serial killer!”

#8: College student with friends –
“AWESOME!!! Look at that dude! She sure knows how to add a twist in her life! Buddy let’s do it next time!”

#9: Kid to parents –
“Mom,Dad why is that girl showing her hand at us? Can we also wave back?” (Parents look at each other with fear and confusion as to what to tell their child. So they distract the kid with chocolate :P)

#10: A person who thinks along the same lines like me (Very rare but we should never ignore the possibility) – “Let’s stop the car and give her the lift, or better still I will park my car somewhere and go hitchhiking myself!”

#11: Woman (irrespective of age, designation as sister/friend/lover/wife/mother/grandmother)
“This is outrageous!! How do her parents react to such stupidity!!? What will everyone say!!? What will happen to her!!!!!!? ” (This was the reaction I got from all my lady acquaintances, friends and family when I told them later of my small trip to Pondicherry).

So first a lone middle aged man, then a young couple on the way to a friend’s place and finally two friends just out for a few drinks, gave us lifts till Mahabalipuram. And from there we took a bus to Pondicherry :D :D

On My Road- OMR

My ramblings through new places were always short swift and crazy.After the small stint in Coimbatore during my training days with the well planned roads, the always brushed pavements and the blanket of mist that reminds us that Ooty is always around the corner, Chennai looked like a concrete jungle to my small-town accustomed eyes. From all the various feedback from family and friends one description screams throughout- “It’s Hot!!!”  For a moment I wished that they were not talking about the climate ;)

Chennai may not be the “In” place for a large majority of the crowd, but then again each city has its share of quirks I suppose. Unlike cities where the streets are jammed with pubs, discs and God knows what else to rob us of our hard earned cash, we can always resort to the beaches, where the waves always have that power to beckon us towards her (and also a whole range of fresh fish to pamper our always rumbling tummies at pretty reasonable prices!! :P).

So there I was with my three bulky travel bags and three of my friends all ready (actually dazed) to create wonders for our projects (whether we did it or not is a totally different story!). We stuffed our bags into the boot and got into the cab. All the way through I was gorging Chennai as much as I could for new places always peaked up my curiosity and I was the happiest person ever! The cab driver, a gentle and chatty soul, was showing us the landmarks of his beloved Chennai peppered up with a few pages from his own life. That day was the only time I wasn’t irritated of being caught up in traffic for two hours.

But alas the joy was short lived when I incidentally saw a small innocent looking white milestone peeping out from the side lane and trust me it wasn’t a pretty sight that my eyes beheld. “CHENNAI” and just underneath it “25”. :O :O My soul that was overflowing with excitement till then broke like a soap bubble “PLONK!!”….. That’s when I gave my whereabouts a bit more attention and realized, I won’t be living in the hustle and bustle of Madraspattennam, but would be confined to the stretch of Old Mahabalipuram Road aka OMR to be lost in the voids of dust, concrete and work!  :’(

If you ask me to define OMR the first thing that would cross my mind is dust! Due to all the buildings that seem to pop out from nowhere and the never ending paving of the sidewalks OMR is engulfed in a thick blanket of dust, and with all the traffic and mob to help, has brewed up a never receding sandstorm that could give the sandstorms of Sahara a run for their money (or so I think). Each day draped in scarves and equipped with shades we can venture out. I seriously feel like I‘m one of the Spartans and the OMR the sea of scary Persian army!! . The outcome, being blackened faces and parched lips and all that would be lacking to make it look like a 300 movie would be the chant- “HA-ROO HA-ROO HAROO!!”

 The moment we hit our offices everybody would scamper off to the restrooms to clear off the grime. Though the thought has crossed my mind a few times, to scrub my face with dishwashing liquid and a metal scrub, unfortunately we are not dishes and are doomed with soft supple skins, so I have to make do with face-washes. :P When I mean getting lost on the OMR, it’s no joke. On a working day the probability of being jostled and trampled by a faceless crowd, or being run down by a random auto rickshaw or bus is highly likely! There were times when I felt I would rather take a sleeping bag to office and camp there than tackle the monster called OMR.

Keeping all my cribbing aside, the OMR isn’t that bad after all. Peppered with numerous restaurants and cafes that can satiate the palate; varying from Chinese cuisine to American, from Kerala to Bengali; what more can one ask! My all time favorite is Café Coffee Day and thankfully all across the OMR one can’t miss the purple and red logo at regular intervals. The occasional whiff of coffee and overdoses of chocolate is a life saver to ward off any unwanted thoughts of work, corruption and economic crisis (especially when our wallets get slimmer and slimmer) .But the main highlight for me is the night walks on the broad sidewalks (though incomplete in many places), it’s worth all the troubles of a hectic strenuous day.

I used to see the OMR with dread, but that all changes once the whole of Chennai wears its night cap. At the stroke of 11pm, the traffic would have lulled to a trickle, in the warm darkness of night, the harsh lines of OMR softens down a few strokes and transforms into a never wavering beacon that guides all wayward souls. The wide straight road crowned with the street lamps seem to stretch off into infinity on both directions is a very soothing feeling to the lone traveler. I sometimes feel when looking at the expanse of asphalt, it’s not just a road, it is a journey to meet the Maker with all the street lights of Joy, path holes of Sorrow and the road barriers of our very own selves and not to forget all the sidetracks that sometimes make us deviate from our paths.

2 years traversing the length of the OMR, each day has been so full of new landmarks, new memories and lots and lots of new people .Nowadays I feel more at ease with the OMR. After a long day rambling through the sprawling city it’s always a relief to see the OMR beckoning me like a good friend waiting to embrace me. OMR is no more a stranger to me, it’s my road; full of traffic jams, surprises and the show called life!

The Sea's Wanton Children

If you asked how my day started, I would say it started with me giving Priya and Manikantan wrong directions to pick me and Sreelakshmi up :P So at 9am Priya picked us up and off we zoomed to Mahabalipuram. I have never been to the ancient port city of the Pallavas Dynasty(2nd-9th century CE). Today's agenda involved, in my language, "just dropping into the sea".

So at 10am,there we all were waiting on the coastline all ready to jump onto the boat when John walked in with his swimgear. When I mean swim gear it wasn't just a pair of swimming goggles. Seeing the size of the fins he was carrying around I wouldn't have been surprised if I saw a pectoral fin popping out of his back like one of the dolphins that were playing just off the coastline.

So with grumbling tummies,we tumbled into the rocking boat after donning our bright orange life jackets(One of the few times I felt fat :P ). Once the boat started to slice through the choppy waves, we were drenched in the spray of salt water,it felt like tiny arrows that pierced through my skin. For some reason I was wondering how Bhishma must have felt when he fell in the Mahabharat with a thousand arrows piercing his body.

That moment someone told me to look towards the shore and for a second I was scared that I didn't want to see the receding shore.But isn't that how we all feel like whenever we venture beyond our comfort zones.So looking at the shore that was fading into the distance, comforts, stupid customs and people;that held me to the practical world,broke like gossamer threads. And I felt not the loss of comfort of life but the freedom of life. To breathe the fresh air, to taste the saltiness, to feel the hot sun beating on my back;I was free. I was Happy.

We were first taken to the spot of a temple that was submerged for centuries underwater. According to folklore its the remains of one of the 6 mythical pagodas that was built during the Pallava dynasty before Nature reclaimed it back. Well seeing the turbulent current around the black mass submerged the blue sea, it was like silent screaming of untold stories of brave warriors and creative artists.After that we were anchored 2 to 3 km offshore to get ready for the jump.As they threw a rope into the sea, Manikantan quipped - "everyone has a lifeline in their hands, this time the only life line was the one floating on the sea." I was looking at that slender rope floating harmlessly on the water, how I badly wished to see those dolphins bob up again and take me along for a dive rather than jump into oblivion holding onto that thin strand of hope!!!

I saw John the Dolphin and Rajnikant the (not yet) Superstar jump into the water. Ranjini followed suit and then I summoned all my never heard of courage to go in. As I sat on the brim of the boat my feet dangling 2 inches above the bobbing sea, I heard my petrified inner voice ask me - "Babe do you REALLY want to do this? Won't you regret it!!?" For a fraction of a second I just sat there looking at the blue sea, my resolution wavering. But then I thought- "to hell with you yellow coward!" and just jumped. The sudden crash of water that entered my system was painful, but not as painful as being pulling back immediately out of the water. I was too shocked to resist but if I had my way I would have jumped in again. But before that someone told me that my life jacket was not tied up properly that's why I was pulled out. I just wanted to go back into the water. So as I jumped in again, I just held on to the lifeline and was listening to The Dolphin instructions that sounded so gargly through all the crashing waves.

5 minutes in the sea I was feeling totally weighed down, and tired. So when I was pulled out I was weighing a ton not because I was tired or the ton of salt that was deposited on me(given time I would have been pickled and canned!!), it was cause of all the water that managed to seep into my treacherous life jacket that wanted me to sink into the sea!! Slowly most people too started tumbling into the sea like dominoes.After everyone had their share of dives, drinking salt water and not to forget Jayanth trying to sleep in the center of the boat; we all sat passing along biscuits and water around. Felt like we were "The Fellowship of the Ring" sharing our lembas bread.

Once we hit the shore, we still haven't satiated our love for the sea, we all were playing like children in abandon. Then Dolphin was giving us lessons on body surfing and it was an amazing moment when after tossing and turning on that yellow surf board, I finally managed to ride the waves.But before I could say "YAAAAAAY I did it." like the mischievous boy who always pushed me in school, the sea would topple me and my board :D. Finally when we headed back to the seashore restaurant with Sreelakshmi ordering steaming hot noodles for me, I was so sunburned I felt like a roasted coffee bean ready to be ground into powder! After stuffing ourselves with food and fish, all sat back in the shade to laze around as the sun scorched the beach to bright white. I and Sreelakshmi slowly dozed off in hammocks swaying in the wind and listening to the sea sing us a sweet lullaby.

Around 3pm we all said our goodbyes to new friends, new experiences and the ancient sea and headed back to our normal lives, with the promise to forever be the free souls as we were in the sea.

Crossroads of Choice

My day starts with my roomie shaking me from my bed and 20 minutes later I am on the road bumping my way in a share auto heading for office.The only thing that discourages me to go to office is not work, sleep or my manager , it’s the Sholingnaloor Junction. I zigzag through the junction like a petrified chicken (I personally feel most of the commuters feel the same way I do!) and huffing and puffing I cross.

A few days back as usual, I was gearing up to cross the river of cars, buses and people, when something bumped into me from behind. I was not prepared for surprises especially when I have to face my worst fear. (The scared chicken look was back on my face). When I turned around I only saw a sea of faces moving along. Then again the bump! This time at my knee. When I looked down, I saw the pale pink and maroon uniform clad kid, burdened with a bag much larger than him. He was maybe 10 or 11 years old. It almost looked like he was spinning as the crowd pushed him from one way to another. (Almost got a headache looking at him rotate.) I caught hold of his hand to steady him. And the look of relief and gratitude that came to his eyes caught me totally off guard.

With my broken Tamil I asked: “Enge Ponno?” (Which way you want to go?). 

He pointed his finger and my heart fell as I realized that I‘ll have to fight my battle through the way i just crossed all over again!!! But holding his hand, I could feel the trust he had in me.

Looking at his face silently screaming for help I asked myself-  Could I let him down, the same way that I was let down on that dreadful night when I was crying in the railway station? (I still feel dread when I think of that night )Could I afford to make this kid lose his faith in Mankind, almost the same way I did? Do I want him to grow up thinking that the world is a dreary, selfish place where no one helps each other? Do I want to him to see this beautiful world devoid of love, kindness and care? 

Though we are the authors of only our own destiny, we still act as catalysts for those around us.We may not realize it ,but we actually play a role in the choices others make. 

As all these questions crossed my mind, I knew my answer.The answer is NEVER!!!Without another thought, I crossed the road with him and he gave my hand a gentle squeeze before letting go. We waved our goodbyes and again I dashed my way to the other side just after the signal changed. I did hear a few abuses from the bikers who thought that I was planning to land under their wheels, but I was past caring.

The world is in our hands, its up to us to make it a better place.

Idlys, Cows and one Thambi

0500 hrs Saturday 
September 8, 2012
Looking out my window, I was imagining myself rowing my way to SRP tools in a canoe because I could only see a heavy downpour.
0635 hrs
Me stubbornly standing in the rain at SRP tools, while the whole of my body was saying run back and sleep! (My mind and body are always at conflict!!)
0840hrs
The bus had picked up all the volunteers and was speeding off to Villupuram. But wait before that we had Breakfast :D :D :D :D

After a light breakfast of 2 idlies, 1 vada, a scoop of pongal and kesari I seriously don’t remember much as I was floating in a cloud of satisfaction with a full tummy :P A solitary palm tree on a hill, two kids playing beside the road with a cycle tyre, a solitary brown and white cow grazing on a field, Mani splitting us into groups for each class before sleep got the better of me. (Bus and full stomach are good companions :) )

Sitting next to me, Hari woke me up. I eagerly looked out the window expecting to see frolicking children playing on a ground, but I was looking at a whole herd of cows! Should I dress up like a cow with fake horns and talk moo moo to them? It took me a few seconds to realize that I should lift my horizon and see the school building. Thankfully it was full of high school kids and not cows and tigers :P ( Cows are docile but I would have been in the tigers’ tummy even before I opened my mouth!)

First were poster competitions. Covering themes like pollution, social service and conservation students filled their charts with pictures, colors and streaks of their own creativity. After the presentations we had a crash photo session with students bustling around us volunteers to get a picture with their favorite “Akkas” and “Annas”. (I was precariously on top of a chair to take the picture. Very scary!!! )

Lunch was also fun with the students who were volunteering to serve the rice and payasam. (My favorite!). Post lunch, we volunteers were having our share of fun with Kho Kho, cricket and one new one that I learnt. Everyone will run around in a circle and one person will say a number, for zero we should sit, for one we stand and for every other number we should hug each other as groups of that number :D (I will call it the huggie huggie game :) )  Games were also conducted for the students in different classes too.

After the games we were all assembled in the ground for prize distribution for poster competition and also a few kids came on stage to share how that day was their first time to get a prize and also how they have done a share in social service :) As usual I was sitting with my new found friends during the prize distribution. Everyone was discussing who will get the prize for poster contest. When the result was announced for 6th grade, 9th grade Banu sitting beside me was jumping with joy “ennude Thambi!! ennude Thambi!!” (My young brother!!) She was so happy that her brother got a prize.

After the prizes were handed out Banu told me with twinkling eyes –“I didn’t mind when I didn’t get a gift. But my Thambi is very happy, this will mean a lot to him. It will mean a lot to us if you all can come again. We just want to become like you, to bring happiness to the world.”

Isn’t this what Making a Difference is all about? We are not powerful politicians that make or break nations, we are not inspiring teachers that enlighten the mind and soul, yet to bring a smile on one girl’s face, To ignite a spark of hope in a 6th grader’s heart also counts.

From under the Mask

When I was rushed to the hospital by my friends, I had already exhausted my breath, the energy to breathe and the willpower to not blackout. Its a haze to me how the nurse had strapped a mask over my mouth and started nebulization.I had a vague memory of her injecting medicines into my veins, but i was already beyond feeling the pain of the prick. As the medication seeped into my airways, my body was trying to recover from the panic attack I had a couple of hours earlier.

In that moment of breathlessness and anguish, my mind was moving away from me. I was floating into a different dimension of lucidity. I saw my life as if through a kaleadoscope. My Dad cracking my fingers when i was little, the yellow and black mickey mouse birthday frock, fearfully standing on stage facing the whole college, the green goblin remains in a laddu,smelling the scent of security and warmth while sleeping off in an autoriskshaw, the stiff body of my baby cat and so many more.

As my body slowly shuts down and I succumb to the fatigue, I feel empty yet happy at the same time.I felt no remorse,no pain, nothing.  All the "what ifs", all the bad memories, all the worries just fade away into a grey mist of emptiness.It had not vanished,it just did not matter anymore. People never realise that they are slaves of their past and future. That freedom is in the present. That precious timeframe that we call "now". Only if you live in the moment, dive into the ocean of spontaneity will you breath the fresh air of freedom.

I may be the one wearing an oxygen mask, struggling for air. But out there there are a lot of people who wear masks of emotions, hesitant to unmask, fearing to let go of their past, grudgingly following conventions they don't understand, carrying a burden that they don't realize  I don't want to be that person. So what if I'm  alone and lost. At least I don't have to drag along pain with me. My mind is as free as the wind not enclosed in a physical body, not corrupted by emotions and beyond my physical control.

Snow White and No Dwarves

16.01.2013
It was a very special day for me. Though my day started with the mundane routine of work, calls and bland coffee,it switched gears to gift shopping. :D :D So with my faithful comrade of shopping Sreelu, we charged to find the perfect gift for a sweetheart Shivanshi. Its her 1st birthday and we had no intention of disappointing her, so we laid waste to all the Baby shops (I felt like I was in a battlefield :P).

So laden with assorted gifts we reached Jena's place. It was amazing to see the beautiful princess dressed in a frothy white frock with baby pink roses here and there. She looked exactly like the barbie doll on her cake; pink, cute and majestic. All I felt like doing when I saw her was sweep her into my arms and shower her with all the kissies in the world. ( Tip: always wash your hands and face before holding a baby. You wouldn't want him/her to be exposed to all the dust and germs that we bring along).

As she scanned each face around her,It was amazing how her black eyes would flicker with joy and recognition when she saw a familiar face and how she would careful study a stranger's face with equal curiosity.

Looking into her big black eyes I was reminded of the story of how Yashoda was amazed when she looked into her child Krishna's mouth and saw the whole universe. Shivanshi just completed her 1st year in this blessed world. But its fascinating to see her eyes like windows into a whole universe of love.Overflowing with joy and happiness,they were not masked under a mean layer of fear,conceit or contempt.

Children are like bundles of bright sunshine and fragrant flowers.When we go astray or feel deprived of love, all we have to do is feel the embrace of a child. In the warmth of their love and empathy we will always be guided towards enlightenment. God in all his wisdom, gave us the best miracle. And always remember there is a child inside each one of us. :)

The Girl with the YElloW BoTtlE

This morning I was “again” late for office. I left the room in a hurry and was searching in my bag for my phone ( I never understand why my bag all of a sudden looks like a mess and I’m trying to find a needle in the haystack!!? ) . So there I was standing in the middle of the road just a few meters from my room, when I saw a group of 3 girls (about 7 or 8 years) walking out from the school. Oh I forgot to say, my room is just next door to the school, so usually I can hear the chatter and shouts from my room in the mornings. :) :) :)

From their conversation I understood that one of the girls had bought a new pair of chappals and was showing it off to her friends :D  I could hear the oooooohs and aaaaaaahs :D..They walked towards a nearby well and one girl was purposefully swinging a yellow water bottle. My unfruitful search for my phone was abandoned as I saw her pour the water in the yellow container into the well!!!

If I was that girl...

I have never heard of or seen anyone put water back into the well. I wasn't sure what she was saying to her friends, but I did hear her say that we shouldn't waste water.  I stood there thunderstruck  We believe in the policy of "Give and Take", but how are we giving back to our world!? The Earth is like the well where we all take water for ourselves without a single drop of remorse that one day we may be suck the Earth dry, like how it is happening to many wells around us.

What all the thousands of awareness videos, pictures could convey, that small girl with her yellow water bottle conveyed in one small gesture. We no more live in a world of Abundance where we can lavish and wallow in the gifts that were bestowed to us. In the temptation to make ourselves comfortable and cozy, we fail to see the bigger picture. There will come a time when our small tiny spheres of interest will collapse as we burden our Mother Earth.  Let us Go Green, Blue and whatever conservation we can do. Let’s be a part of it all. It’s never too late!!!

Will you choose?

Look into a mirror you see a mirage,

Built by people and events into a barrage.

Life can be deceptive so can you,

If you haven't tasted life in true.

Weak is life where sorrow is built,

Being Weighed down by borrowed guilt.

So what if you drink from Nature's chalice,

Poison is no choice to maintain the balance?

There is no joy to leave you in expose,

I pray to see you free and in my repose.

Yet I see you groaning without relief

Imbibed into an impractical belief

Why cringe in such immense pain?

Should it only be misery that you gain?

Why do you flounder? Why go astray?

What make you do such a gross betray?

A beautiful world of song and sunshine

Is out there, perfect to the finest line.

The falling rain are my joyful tears

Not tainted by Human fears.

Before you judge what you see,

Let hope and love set your mind free.

Red are the roses so is blood

Powerful is emotion so is a flood.

Its only your thoughts that define you,

Not the opinions of people,many or few.

Life is magical,so are you

Only if you choose to.

Mr Goodbar

I rushed out of my flat without saying bye to my half sleeping roomie on 07:45 am, September 1st.Two minutes later she called me up and asked in the most incredulous voice- “You already left????” (Well I can’t blame her because everyone knows that even if I’m an hour late for office, no one will catch me rushing out and that to on a Saturday morning ) Well that day I was heading off to the pickup point for the cab that’ll take me to one of the schools in rural district of Nalambakkam Chennai where Team Everest was conducting learning Audit. So I can’t help but be excited about it I just love being with kids!)

We conducted many competitions and conducted a few classes after the audit. When we were distributing the prizes, one of the girls, Jeevitha, whom i was teaching arithmetic, came up to me and asked “How come I didn’t get any prize?” it almost broke my heart when I saw the forlorn look on her face and I went through my bag in search for something to give her. That’s when in my mind, an image flashed of someone else rampaging through his bag to give me a chocolate. That very chocolate I now gave to Jeevitha whose face burst into rapture.

Now who was that someone else?
That morning I waved my hand at a passing share auto and got in. Then some few minutes into the ride a very aged man got it. Around 80 years with a very feeble voice he asked me -”Are you a school teacher?”( Ok that made me do a mental counting of all the imaginary grey and white hair again!!!)

Me: “No uncle” (laughing)
Uncle: “what do you do?”
Me: “I work in a software company.”
Uncle: “Oh, so you have office on Saturdays too?”
Me:”No no today I’m volunteering in a school.”
Uncle:”So I guessed right!” (That is when I saw his almost toothless grin  )
Me: “But I’m not a teacher!”
Uncle:”But since you are going to a school and you aren’t a student that makes you a teacher!” (he was chuckling and even I couldn’t suppress my smile. He had a very good point! )

So for the next 5 minutes he was asking about Team Everest. I just hope I did justice to explaining the various initiatives of Team Everest (Please do forgive if I made a slip here or there :$ ) Then rampaging through his bag he took out a chocolate and patting my back he gave it to me 

So just as I was getting down from the auto shaking my hand he said- “I am so happy that the younger generation is doing so much for others. Keep up the good work!”

I almost felt like I’ve received a Nobel Prize or something. Though I treat my chocolates like “My precious” (Gollum style of Lord of the Rings), I was even more happy to see the joy when Jeevitha was happily licking her fingers.