The waiter brought my coffee and he gave me the most quizzical of expressions as I politely declined the little sachets of sugar. I quietly smiled to myself in answer to his unasked question. I could never forget the One who gave me this habit. Every time I winced while drinking His Bitter black coffee, He used to be amused with my futile attempts to imitate and impress Him. Me in my innocence believed that this was one way to show how much I loved Him. I was yet to realize that all would be in vain.
Holding the warm cup, I closed my eyes; feeling the heat seep into my fingers. This was the same feeling I had so long ago when I held Him for one last time, knowing that whatever I say or do would never make Him change His mind. The expression on His face as He left me will forever be imprinted in my mind. I let out a sigh full of regret, as my mind traveled back in time.
I remember towards the end of our relationship, we were like two people living in two separate worlds even though we shared the same roof. There was no bad feeling yet our love was fading with the last rays of the setting Sun. The only thing that was binding us was the memory of the warmth that we once shared.
I swallowed my coffee to help me hold back my tears which were bitterer than the coffee. I tried to shake off the memory as I reminisced how He held me close as I stood in mortification when the whole world seemed to have looked at me with revulsion. I could smell the faint smell of cigarettes as He kissed my tear-stained face and promised me that He would never leave my side.
Two years back, I decided to go home earlier than usual to surprise Him, hoping to stir a spark in His eyes that had nothing left but indifference for me and the world. But I was too late; He had already made up His mind to leave. In one desperate effort I held Him tightly hoping what words failed to express my embrace would. I could sense Him muster all the love He had for me in one final attempt to console me. I could feel His love and care ebb into me. As I tried to hold Him closer, He just vanished. All that was left was the Bitter coffee, wafts of cigarette smoke and the memories he gave me.
But for all the abandonment I felt that day, there was never a moment where he abandoned me. He will always be my First Love, the only one who unconditionally loved me for all my flaws and fantasies. For I would always remember the day when I was 5 years old and had puked all over, but my Daddy had picked me up and instead of scolding me for the mess I created He just kissed my vomit speckled face and hugged me tightly.
(This post is based on a true incident of my life. I was just 10 minutes away from giving a surprise to Daddy when I got a call saying that he expired. He was still warm when I hugged his lifeless body. I never got my chance to bid farewell , but then truth be told I will never say Goodbye to Daddy.)
Holding the warm cup, I closed my eyes; feeling the heat seep into my fingers. This was the same feeling I had so long ago when I held Him for one last time, knowing that whatever I say or do would never make Him change His mind. The expression on His face as He left me will forever be imprinted in my mind. I let out a sigh full of regret, as my mind traveled back in time.
I remember towards the end of our relationship, we were like two people living in two separate worlds even though we shared the same roof. There was no bad feeling yet our love was fading with the last rays of the setting Sun. The only thing that was binding us was the memory of the warmth that we once shared.
I swallowed my coffee to help me hold back my tears which were bitterer than the coffee. I tried to shake off the memory as I reminisced how He held me close as I stood in mortification when the whole world seemed to have looked at me with revulsion. I could smell the faint smell of cigarettes as He kissed my tear-stained face and promised me that He would never leave my side.
Two years back, I decided to go home earlier than usual to surprise Him, hoping to stir a spark in His eyes that had nothing left but indifference for me and the world. But I was too late; He had already made up His mind to leave. In one desperate effort I held Him tightly hoping what words failed to express my embrace would. I could sense Him muster all the love He had for me in one final attempt to console me. I could feel His love and care ebb into me. As I tried to hold Him closer, He just vanished. All that was left was the Bitter coffee, wafts of cigarette smoke and the memories he gave me.
But for all the abandonment I felt that day, there was never a moment where he abandoned me. He will always be my First Love, the only one who unconditionally loved me for all my flaws and fantasies. For I would always remember the day when I was 5 years old and had puked all over, but my Daddy had picked me up and instead of scolding me for the mess I created He just kissed my vomit speckled face and hugged me tightly.
(This post is based on a true incident of my life. I was just 10 minutes away from giving a surprise to Daddy when I got a call saying that he expired. He was still warm when I hugged his lifeless body. I never got my chance to bid farewell , but then truth be told I will never say Goodbye to Daddy.)
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