Moonlight

I look down from the sky
And there I see
Among a million eyes
A different me.

The world around me
Cowers at night
But her heart burns on
In the simmering light.

She stands alone
Stripped of fear
Blazing in the glory
Of unshed tears

Devoid of love
She shall rise
A broken warrior
And painfully wise

A lonely life
And silent screams
Isn't her destiny
For broken dreams .

Don't be shunned
Come to my whole
As my reigning queen
The light of my soul.

Each day I shall rise
To bear your pain
For my white hand
Will never fail.

An unbreakable promise
Made by the moon
Shall forever be
Her never fading boon

I look down from the sky
And I know
Along a million eyes
One who is my own 

Caught in Life's Web

Each passing hour was the same, Bleak and monotonous. All around me was as dead as a grave. The buzz of a fly would've been welcoming to break the grey silence. I sat looking at the decrepit wall. There were days when flakes of paint and dust would fall on me and I would not care to shake it off. I just wished I didn't have to wake up to see the horror and pain of another fellow being. His silent agony seemed to be absorbed by the walls around me. And I could almost hear the excruciating screams echo from the grey walls. I felt old, I felt lost.

Suddenly I heard a knock. I looked up hoping that it was my visitor. I let out a sigh when I saw Him on the entrance. It’s been a long time since I have seen Him. I’m sure getting old because I can’t remember when was the last time I saw Him. I looked at his tired face as he slowly made his way to his bed. I prayed with all my heart that he would silently fall asleep rather than go through his usual routine.

I still shudder when I think about the first time I saw him go through the torture. Even after these many years it’s painful to see him inflict so much pain on his own body. I looked down at my dark bristly arms and wonder, would I ever be able to self-destruct myself the way he does. I shook my head to erase that thought from my mind. Looking into his masked eyes, my heart would try to reach out to him, but then I see the invisible wall that stands between us. I felt helpless. I felt lost.

I closed my eyes to the suffering that was being unleashed before me. But I could not close my ears to the screams that ensued from his severed skin. Each bristle in my body stood up in anxiety as I heard the tearing apart of a beautiful entity. It always shocked me to see how one can endure so much pain without sounding a single scream from his mouth. He looked spent, he looked numbed out. Questions unasked were choking in my throat.

I silently looked at him as he slowly crawled into his bed and tried to cover his scarred body with his discarded remains lying around him. I saw him take down his invisible wall and placed it by his side. Tears brimmed in my eyes for the umpteenth time, and like magic darkness engulfed us. I looked down at his closed eyes that concealed so much agony and was showing a brave face to the world around him. It seemed as if God has forgotten one of his entities. So I said a silent prayer to ease this Man from his suffering. Giving him one final look I went back to my corner and started to weave a larger web. If I’m lucky I may catch up with a fly or two tomorrow.

Thoughts of a confused spider, about the eccentricities of watching a Man change his clothes before sleeping.

Paradise Lost

The waiter brought my coffee and he gave me the most quizzical of expressions as I politely declined the little sachets of sugar. I quietly smiled to myself in answer to his unasked question. I could never forget the One who gave me this habit. Every time I winced while drinking His Bitter black coffee, He used to be amused with my futile attempts to imitate and impress Him. Me in my innocence believed that this was one way to show how much I loved Him. I was yet to realize that all would be in vain.

Holding the warm cup, I closed my eyes; feeling the heat seep into my fingers. This was the same feeling I had so long ago when I held Him for one last time, knowing that whatever I say or do would never make Him change His mind. The expression on His face as He left me will forever be imprinted in my mind. I let out a sigh full of regret, as my mind traveled back in time.

I remember towards the end of our relationship, we were like two people living in two separate worlds even though we shared the same roof. There was no bad feeling yet our love was fading with the last rays of the setting Sun. The only thing that was binding us was the memory of the warmth that we once shared.

I swallowed my coffee to help me hold back my tears which were bitterer than the coffee. I tried to shake off the memory as I reminisced how He held me close as I stood in mortification when the whole world seemed to have looked at me with revulsion. I could smell the faint smell of cigarettes as He kissed my tear-stained face and promised me that He would never leave my side.

Two years back, I decided to go home earlier than usual to surprise Him, hoping to stir a spark in His eyes that had nothing left but indifference for me and the world. But I was too late; He had already made up His mind to leave. In one desperate effort I held Him tightly hoping what words failed to express my embrace would. I could sense Him muster all the love He had for me in one final attempt to console me. I could feel His love and care ebb into me. As I tried to hold Him closer, He just vanished. All that was left was the Bitter coffee, wafts of cigarette smoke and the memories he gave me.

But for all the abandonment I felt that day, there was never a moment where he abandoned me. He will always be my First Love, the only one who unconditionally loved me for all my flaws and fantasies. For I would always remember the day when I was 5 years old and had puked all over, but my Daddy had picked me up and instead of scolding me for the mess I created He just kissed my vomit speckled face and hugged me tightly.

(This post is based on a true incident of my life. I was just 10 minutes away from giving a surprise to Daddy when I got a call saying that he expired. He was still warm when I hugged his lifeless body. I never got my chance to bid farewell , but then truth be told I will never say Goodbye to Daddy.)

Man of a Million Hues

It was with a lot of excitement when my friend Sharika invited me to meet her Grand Uncle, the respected Artist K.V Haridasan. I wasn’t sure what I would say or do in the presence of such a distinguished personality. Within the confines of the Chola Village we were facing a tall gate on which was carelessly scratched K.V. Haridasan. I almost felt like I was back in my home in Kerala, where trees hug close to the house and whatever space is available is scattered with flower pots and medicinal leaves kept out to dry. It was like a small speck of Kerala transported into Chennai Coastline!

Once inside the house, we were chatting with his very cordial wife. Like most elderly people, he was very friendly and was busy catching up with his granddaughter about friends and family. As usual I made a beeline to the kitchen bustling over with tea making and stuffing myself with fruit cake :D As we were sipping our sweet tea, I couldn't help but notice a canvas that was carelessly stashed away in a corner. I was so tempted to touch the bold strokes that seem to try coming out of the canvas as if imprisoned within the confines of the material world. When I asked how he would explain his work, I was admiring his patience in explaining. Here was I, an ignorant fool trying to understand the emotions, experiences and imagination of a Man who spent his whole lifetime in a world of Colors.

Our artist was courteous enough to let us into his workshop where he keeps most of his finished and unfinished works. The whole place was scattered with discarded brushes, paints, broken crockery, old statues of wood and clay. I found the place was comfortable and cluttered (I only feel in peace if I live in a mess; clean houses always make me feel like I’m in a hospital.) There was a whole assortment of furniture including wooden doors, pillars that might have been salvaged from old houses. There were even glass topped tables that were supported by wooden buttresses, which once might have held up roofs. Even item had a story of its own, an identity to be revealed, and all those secrets was locked within the Artist's mind.

Strewn all across the place were specimens of rocks, all varying in structure and texture, which he was happily caressing with his wrinkled fingers. There was love in his touch and a glitter in his eye as he told from where he got them. When asked about the theme of one of his pictures, he was in a dilemma whether to explain or not. But then isn't it hard to express one’s innermost feelings. There is something so sacred and divine when connecting to one’s heart. Even though one may feel the need to communicate, there are so many things that stand at the tip of ones tongue. The moment it is uttered; the meaning, the exaltation of the feeling is completely lost. He just told us – “Art is not a profitable venture. But its important for us to bring color to the world in a way that we can. That’s all I do.”

As he escorted us through the Chola Art Gallery,I don’t know for most people; but for me when I look at a Painting or a sketch, its not the imagery as such that moves me. When I see the varying colors and curves on a canvas, it’s the mind behind the picture that captures my imagination. Each stroke on the canvas must have been triggered by an emotion of the artist, whose collective effect is what we see framed behind a sheet of glass. The Frozen emotion, a crystalized idea, a crescendo of sensations that reaches its climax. The ghost of that hand still lingers in the strands of the canvas, reminiscing in the mood that brought out Beauty in a life of the Mundane.

Check below link for more about a Man who painted his world!
http://mulledink.blogspot.com/2012/05/art-k-v-haridasan-tantric-circle.html

Wed-locked or Wed-clogged!!!?

When you are 27 years old, some say this is the prime of your life. But if you are in India then I think it’s a reason to dread. 2 or 3 years living an Independent life, earning your own living and having your share of fun; you will be unceremoniously brought back to Indian reality by just one word- “Marriage.” As such I have no dread or misgivings about marriage, and I would gladly say that it’s something to value and respect.

So while my friends are busy updating their bio data in matrimonial sites or marital status in Facebook, and few others groaning over their facebook friends’ marriage pictures; I just sit back and enjoy the fiasco revealing itself to me. In my friend circles the topic of marriage is like hot cakes. Who is getting married, how why etc. etc. It’s truly a very vicious circle. When the pointer is at me, I usually brush aside the topic with a polite smile and one phrase - “Will happen when it’s meant to happen.”

You will be shocked when you hear the thoughts that some have about wedlock.

I once asked some of my friends “Why do you want to marry?”

Friend#1: “I’m bored. There is nothing else to do.” (Seriously!!!? :O marriage= entertainment for this friend. I can almost imagine her future husband being her  singer-movie director-actor-pole dancer!)

Friend #2: Everyone is getting married, so I must too (My classmate. He was a school topper, studied in one of the best engineering colleges in Kerala and gets 3 times the salary I earn. So for him the next hurdle in the horse race is Marriage. Run dude run!!! The hurdle after that is popping babies and then throwing them into the horse race too. Then he can compete with his own children!!)

Friend #3: He is working in US, why not!? (If I had shown her a little more interest, she would have told me how many zeroes were there in his salary and how many cows he had in his Farmville!!)

Friend #4: “I don’t know… My parents want me to get married.”

Me: “So are you ready for marriage?”

Friend #4: “I don’t know. My parents are searching for girl. Maybe after a year or two.”

Me: “So how are you mentally preparing yourself for your marriage?”

Friend #4: “I need to hit the gym, have to get rid of the extra fat. I will look horrible in a suit if I have tummy”

I was speechless after this conversation. Everyone talks about marriage being a milestone in anyone’s life. But isn’t it necessary to understand and wed for the right reasons? I may not be an expert in these matters but isn’t it petty to marry out of boredom or based on the highest bidder like in a cattle auction!?

In my hometown, where time stands still; I used to remember how the elderly folk used to talk to the young generation and mentally prepare them for the bliss and challenges they will face after marriage. They never talked about fancy words like Heaven on Earth, soul mates, eternal love etc. They taught us that marriage is about mutual understanding, adapting, responsibility and lots of hard work!.

Marriage is an institution to bring man and woman together for a purpose. It is the holy duty of each man and woman to not only bring about offspring, but to make their children the successors of civilization, responsible citizens for a better world, to do the bidding of Nature! This alliance will never be possible between two people if they do not have the patience to understand and adapt to each other’s needs, feelings and aspirations and yes love each other for their virtues and vices. This is what our Centuries old Culture is trying to teach us.

People who lament that our society is degrading and say the rate of failed marriages are many times higher  compared to the times of our own parents; trust me you can’t blame it on Kaliyug! If there is anyone to blame its ourselves who in the modern age of Greed, Technology and Consumerism ; made Marriage the most sold off commodity, the most lucrative business deal and the worst scam of our current Generation!

Jaya - A Book review

When I picked the book I was totally intrigued by the description given in the cover saying towards the last "God is cursed"
Now how is it possible that God gets cursed!? aren't we the ones who receive the boons and curses from God? Then who dares curse the Almighty. I knew only bits and pieces of the tale. But such a large epic I wasn't sure if I wanted to boggle my head with so many names of Kings and queens and plots. But once I started "Jaya" I just couldn't put it down. Jaya is not the same as the Mahabharatha that many of us has seen as the never ending episodes in Doordarshan TV.And there is a reason to it. Jaya later becomes Mahabharatha as more plots and sub plots enter the storytelling through the years.

Jaya means victory, don't be mistaken that its about the victory of the Battle. It ponders over various social,political and economical issues that we men faced in society and strangely enough face today. Though it was written close to 5000 years back, the amazing fact is that we still face the same issues, ask the same questions even now. How is it possible that an ancient story can contain the answers to our present? The answer lies in the fact that we are beings of flesh and blood, driven by intellect and consumed by ego. Through adventures and small incidents Jaya asks us questions that make us wonder what is right, what is wrong? How do you decide.

The conflict between two families is actually the sideline to the book. The whole story is like a riddle, that makes you go on, still asking questions, still left unanswered until it dawns upon you.Its not about characters or plots. They are just props to make one understand the essence, the fable called life. What makes Man different from Beast. Why does chaos reign in a society built with laws. What is the price one has to pay for their actions. Why are women considered as Goddesses and at the same time pulled down as objects of pleasure. Each question is answered with another riddle. Its human nature to take sides in a conflict, but is it out of a sense of justice or for personal gain that we judge? On what scale do we decide? In most conflicts prejudice gets the better of men, and Man forgets the whole scheme of things and chaos prevails.

We are only aware of "The Mahabharatha" as an ancient epic that tells a story of the war between 2 families,but when does a tale become an epic? Is it its elaborate narration or is it the story? what shocked me most was that the Great Battle on the Kuru Shetra is just a chapter in the whole narration!

Devdutt did an amazing job in staying true to the essence of the book without over whelming the readers with elaborate descriptions of family trees. The little notes that Devdutt has added gives us a perspective to how the story influenced as well as got influenced by people of various times. Its no easy task to compress such an extended epic to the level of normal readers. More than the discourse its the illustrations that show the true creativity of Devdutt.

11 Thoughts behind Hitchhiking

Once in a while it’s good to throw all worries into the wind and do whatever you feel like with only one thought “What the heck!! Let’s do it!!!” Unfortunately for me going off tangents is routine :P So juggling between sleep, food and commute (somewhere in between I think I work), I found myself facing a blank Saturday, nothing to do, bored of sleeping(I can’t believe I could ever be saying this!!!). Then I looked at my phone and saw a message “Let’s go somewhere.” I don’t need thinking twice to say yes to any idea of my friend’s, so half hour later we were looking at the cars pass by on the ECR (East Coast Road, Chennai) yet to decide how to go to Pondicherry.

Hitchhiking! It’s one of the few things that I had not ventured into yet. So it was with a little concern that my friend agreed. (Sometimes I don’t understand how anyone can go along with my harebrained ideas, Unless they are like me :P). So there we stood in the middle of nowhere waving my hand to ever passing car and lorry. Except for the amused looks on their faces none even cared to slow down.

Now what crosses in the mind of the common man sitting behind the wheel  when he/she sees a girl with a wacky hairdo, wrinkled clothes and an impish grin on her face (That’s me by the way.)!?

Scenario #1: Family man with family –
 “No! I don’t want that weirdo coming close to my kids. They will be influenced and soon I’ll have to give a ride to my own hitchhiker children!”

#2: Middle age man driving along with wife –
“Look at the pathetic condition of these new generation kids!!? All running around like vagabonds after watching a couple of dumb movies”

#3: Middle age man driving alone-
“What if she is drunk and pukes all over my newly upholstered seats! A lot of money will go to waste, just to give some stranger a lift!”

#4: Man going with his lover –
“She would slit my beautiful lover’s throat just out of pure spite! My girl is too beautiful!”

#5: Young Man with friends –
“Damn, I don’t think she would agree to come in this car full of dudes! I wish I was alone to give her a lift. Friends always show up at the wrong time!!!”

#6: Handsome Young Man alone –
“Look at her!!! She is not even worthy enough to look at, let alone give her a lift!”

#7: Movie Lover Young Man alone –
“What if she is a psychopath? Or a serial killer!”

#8: College student with friends –
“AWESOME!!! Look at that dude! She sure knows how to add a twist in her life! Buddy let’s do it next time!”

#9: Kid to parents –
“Mom,Dad why is that girl showing her hand at us? Can we also wave back?” (Parents look at each other with fear and confusion as to what to tell their child. So they distract the kid with chocolate :P)

#10: A person who thinks along the same lines like me (Very rare but we should never ignore the possibility) – “Let’s stop the car and give her the lift, or better still I will park my car somewhere and go hitchhiking myself!”

#11: Woman (irrespective of age, designation as sister/friend/lover/wife/mother/grandmother)
“This is outrageous!! How do her parents react to such stupidity!!? What will everyone say!!? What will happen to her!!!!!!? ” (This was the reaction I got from all my lady acquaintances, friends and family when I told them later of my small trip to Pondicherry).

So first a lone middle aged man, then a young couple on the way to a friend’s place and finally two friends just out for a few drinks, gave us lifts till Mahabalipuram. And from there we took a bus to Pondicherry :D :D